To make this place respectable, Doctor Robert thought - I ought to hire a minister, a vicar or a preacher, A Holy Joe to teach us, A priest to give our creatures Spiritual support. The choice he made was laughable - he picked a proper twit Who quit the local parsonage, the vicarage, the deanery, When, feting its centenary, Upset the town's constabulary By removing all his kit. What followed was regrettable - All creatures great and small Were preyed on by this preacher, by this curate, by this priest. Each time a beast deceased, (His excuse - A Holy Feast:) He would bake meat pies for all. So, it may be inadvisable To bring your little pet in. Its torment may be physical, psychological, or spiritual. You can bet it won't be ethical, For the preacher's hypocritical, The nursing care is farcical, And Doctor Bob's a cretin.